1
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:16,640
Sorry to be a Cecil Spoilsport,

2
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,760
but we can't ignore this
bullying report any longer.

3
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,560
Apparently it's a bit
malum prohibitum.

4
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,760
I got that Latin
from Legally Blonde.

5
00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:26,240
I really like that film.

6
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:28,680
Shut up, you worthless
tae-kwon-dickhead.

7
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,320
Who are they calling a bully?
I'm afraid it's you, Pritster.

8
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,720
That's ridiculous. Does anyone here
think I'm a bully?

9
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,080
Hey, this is my safe space.

10
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,400
Get out from behind there,
you snivelling worms.

11
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:48,760
And as for you, you foreign
succulent, you're deported.

12
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,040
GLASS SMASHING
My best friend! Barnaby!

13
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,480
SMASHING

14
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,320
Barnaby's fucked.

15
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,160
I'm not reading any signs of proper
bullying like we had at Eton.

16
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,360
Pritster, did you use your
private secretary's naked buttocks

17
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,200
as a toast rack?
No.

18
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,960
Did you whack anyone's willy
with a whiff-whaff wacquet?

19
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,920
I didn't understand one word
of that.

20
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,880
Then we've got nothing
to worry about.

21
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,000
Unless... Good Lord, you didn't make
Sir Philip eat the soggy biscuit?

22
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:17,480
No.
Well, then, case closed.

23
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,640
Still, you should probably
say something

24
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,560
that sounds like an apology.

25
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,960
I regret it if you weaklings
found my directness

26
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:27,160
and dedication difficult to handle.

27
00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,280
You ripped my heart out of my body.

28
00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,080
It was unintentional.

29
00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,840
There we are, harmless banter.

30
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,520
Hey, everyone,
let's all banter Hancock.

31
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,840
HE WHIMPERS

32
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,520
SHE LAUGHS

33
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,440
I'm part of the gang.

34
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:48,720
Mr President, it's time
for the pardoning ceremony.

35
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:52,760
Good idea. I made a short list
of things to pardon myself for.

36
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,600
No, I meant the Thanksgiving turkey.

37
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:01,000
Gotcha. I'm gonna pardon it so good,
it's gonna be beautiful.

38
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,360
TURKEY GOBBLES

39
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,360
Howdy doody, Mr President.

40
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,520
A talking turkey, huh?
College educated.

41
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,920
Let's cut to the chase.

42
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,360
If I pardon you,
what do I get in return?

43
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,880
Well, how about we pardon
each other?

44
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,160
You stay out of jail at Mar-a-Lago,

45
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,960
I get a new identity
as a Canada goose.

46
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,800
Pardoned by a turkey, sounds legit.

47
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,920
But I should check
with my favourite mayor.

48
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,440
Rudy Giuliani?

49
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,600
I may be negotiating with a turkey,
but I'm not crazy.

50
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,280
I meant Mayor Cheeseburger.

51
00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,080
Last time I gave you advice,
you ate me.

52
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,160
It's your fault for being delicious.

53
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,600
You want a deal? How about this,

54
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:44,240
the turkey and me team up
as the Republican ticket in 2024?

55
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,280
A burger and a turkey?

56
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,800
I'd never beat that,
I won't allow it.

57
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,840
In that case, we're eating you!

58
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,960
TURKEY GOBBLES

59
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,000
Cut it out! You win!

60
00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:00,360
As long as I'm not hallucinating
all of this, we've just conceded.

61
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,880
Turkey, Mr Mayor,
happy Thanksgiving.

62
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,560
TURKEY SQUEALS

63
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:06,800
Huh.

64
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,600
Once again, press gets it right.

65
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,400
Brad Pitt! O-M-fuzzypants-G!

66
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:17,720
Harry Styles, I like your... dress?

67
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:20,560
Hey, I'm a badass
mother rock star, OK?

68
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,280
This isn't a dress, it's a muumuu.
It's Hawaiian.

69
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,000
So's my pizza, but I wouldn't
wear it with pearls.

70
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,480
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm not a badass at all.

71
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,800
David Attenborough said
he'd kick me head in last week

72
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,200
and it got a million likes.

73
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,760
Jesus Christ.

74
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,720
That's why I came to see you.

75
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,960
I want everyone to know I'm hard.

76
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,360
You're the most macho guy
in the world.

77
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,560
Please produce my next music video.

78
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:47,560
You're on.
I'll put some hair on your chest.

79
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,720
Chest hair, what's that?

80
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,880
Huh! You're like
a gorilla's grandpa.

81
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,920
I trim it for my topless shots.

82
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:59,960
Now, let's make a video
Guns N' Roses would be proud of.

83
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:04,880

Yummy like a glass of wine

84
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,480


85
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,800


86
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:13,480
Oh! I look like Jason Statham!

87
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,640
What happened?

88
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,640
I gave you a guitar to smash and
you swapped it for shooting bubbles.

89
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,960
I popped one, that's macho.

90
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,840
Let's try again.

91
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,640


92
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,520


93
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:32,120
Huh, putting in some Brad action
usually does the trick.

94
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:33,960
You broke my twirly.

95
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,040
Maybe you're not the right man
for the job.

96
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,720
Wait, wait, wait, I got it.

97
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,760
Let's go up against the elements.

98
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,760
You alone...

99
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,000
the raging sea... a mythical beast.

100
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:46,920


101
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,240


102
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,720
You nailed it, Brad.
I did?

103
00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,080
You can see my ink, my tats.

104
00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,280
Nothing says macho like
a tummy tattoo of a butterfly.

105
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,160
Oh!

106
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,000


107
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,320
Hi, it's everyone's
favourite Rishi,

108
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,600
Rishi with the budget announcement.

109
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:12,080
In a UK government first,
I'm accompanied by an interpreter

110
00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,560
for the politically deaf.

111
00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,880
We have been borrowing,
but there's no need for concern.

112
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,320
The outlook for growth is positive.

113
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,920
Your jobs are safe, your homes
are safe, your savings are safe.

114
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,080
GLAZING

115
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,760
And you will have food
on your table.

116
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,560
We're turning the corner
and the future looks bright.

117
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,280
Dad, it's me, Taylor.

118
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,680
I'm home for the holidays

119
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,520
on our family Christmas tree farm
that I grew up on.

120
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:54,400
True thing. Check Wikipedia.

121
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,320
I just love the snow and the trees
and our little tree elves.

122
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,800
They're called migrant workers,
Taylor.

123
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,640
Shoo! Shoo!
Come on, come on.

124
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:05,040
People say I'm a fake

125
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,760
because I'm always late
jumping on social bandwagons,

126
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,760
but here, I'm as real
as my unicorn frappuccino.

127
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,160
SHE SLURPS

128
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,640
Well, enjoy the farm while you can
cos it's going out of business.

129
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,440
What?!

130
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,880
Damn it, Bubba Scott, never tell her
bad news when she's frappin'!

131
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,640
No-one's buying trees.

132
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:27,560
Thanks to the damn elitist liberati
that declared war on Christmas.

133
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,200
Careful, Dad,
I'm an inclusive liberal

134
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,320
since it tested well
in my demographics.

135
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,240
Look!
'My fellow Americans,

136
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,920
'everyone knows I'm the greatest man
that ever walked the Earth.

137
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,240
'Now it's time to put up a monument
to number two, little baby Jesus.

138
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,320
'I will pay $10 million

139
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,160
'for the biggest White House
Christmas tree ever

140
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,840
'but it has to be huge, really huge,
huger than my...'

141
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,320
OK, we know.
That's it.

142
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,720
Dad, what's our tallest tree?

143
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,680
An Ol' General Hancock,
cranky Scotch pine.

144
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,040
But he's not "huge".

145
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:00,400
We have four weeks,

146
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:04,680
enough time to grow General Hancock
tall enough and save the farm.

147
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,840
It'll be a Christmas miracle.

148
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,120
Shoo! Come on, get out of here.

149
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,840
Well, that steak was delicious.

150
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,600
Now, what to have for dessert.

151
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,920
You should have the steak.
I just got a steak.

152
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,880
So, clearly, you like it.

153
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:26,320
So I recommend you reorder it.

154
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,240
People who buy steak also buy bacon,

155
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,480
phone chargers
and lawn fertiliser.

156
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,880
This is weird.
I'm sorry.

157
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,440
I'm tense because...

158
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,320
OK, will you marry me?

159
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:49,680
Oh!

160
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,840
It's a sapphire! My favourite.

161
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,080
And it fits perfectly.

162
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,040
I had Alexa scan your body

163
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,400
then cross-reference our database
of four billion customers

164
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,640
to match size, weight
and stone preference.

165
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,320
You had Alexa scan my body?
Breasts first.

166
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,800
That is creepy and invasive.

167
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,320
Creepy and invasive
is how I make people happy.

168
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,720
Well... it is a nice ring

169
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,080
and you are the richest man
on Earth.

170
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,880
OK, back to dessert.

171
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,160
You should get the bran muffin.
You're constipated.

172
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,480
How do you know that?

173
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,480
Alexa smells your farts.

174
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,960
Folks, the presidential transition
is finally underway.

175
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:33,480
I picked my Secretary of State,
my Secretary of the Treasury...

176
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,600
Adele, are you singing
at the inauguration?

177
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,080
Ha! No, mate.
I'm the Secretary of Defence.

178
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:42,400


179
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,160
That's gonna shake 'em up in Iran.

180
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,680
It's great to have a responsible,
law-abiding President in office.

181
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:50,640
Can I give you a tip? You can't
go wrong with drone strikes.

182
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,720
Zip, boom, bang, no questions asked.

183
00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,560
Could you write that down for me?

184
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,080
I already did...

185
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,640
in A Promised Land,
about an administration

186
00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,000
where character and integrity
really counted.

187
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,960
$45 in finer book stores.
Who wants an autographed copy?

188
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,680
I'm cool. I said, who wants
my support in the next election?

189
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,080
I'll take a copy.

190
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,280
50 bucks, $5 shipping.

191
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,720


192
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,840
Save it for the Taliban, Adele.

193
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,040
Now to make the toughest choice
of all,

194
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,960
one that will impact all Americans
every single day.

195
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,200
Attorney General?

196
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,040
The new host of Jeopardy.

197
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,200
Ooh, yikes.
Whoa!

198
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,360
What is "glad I'm not president"?

199
00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,120
Now, who's ready to pre-order
Volume Two?

200
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,280
Is... OK.
Yeah.

201
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,600
Good Old General Hancock.

202
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,000
I grew up playing on your branches.

203
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000
Here's something to help you grow,

204
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,160
hush puppies and magnolia tea.

205
00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:53,520
Very Nashville considering you
actually grew up in Philadelphia.

206
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,080
Yes, but market research shows

207
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,240
that people prefer
my fake Southern roots.

208
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,160
Taylor, this tree
already growed a foot

209
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:00,320
or I'm in short skirts.

210
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,680
But you can't stop now.

211
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,880
I hear even foreigners are trying

212
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,280
to win this Christmas tree contest.

213
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,760
Once I produce the world's
biggest Christmas tree,

214
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:14,480
the world will finally stop saying
I look like Pooh Bear.

215
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,160
Oh, bother.

216
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:21,000
How is our giant
Christmas tree coming?

217
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,560
Did you inject it
with tree growth hormone?

218
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,760
We got mixed up and injected it
with human growth hormone.

219
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,080
What did you do with
the tree growth hormone?

220
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,360
We gave it to our
Olympic swimming team.

221
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,080
Goodbye, Lee,
off to my college courses.

222
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,440
Oh, right, er... see you later.

223
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,640
Lee, when will you be
going back to work?

224
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,040
I don't know if I will.

225
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,200
I mean, obviously I want to,

226
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,840
but I'll probably just
work from home.

227
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,000
You're a roofer.

228
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:55,520
Yeah, but it's amazing what
you can do on all these video calls.

229
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,160
I mean, it's not like I'm planning
to lie on the sofa

230
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,840
watching The Dam Busters
on Channel 5 at five past two.

231
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,880
That's very reassuring.

232
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,440
Yeah, and being at home's better
for the environment.

233
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,680
Think of all the emissions
from my van.

234
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,680
If I'm here watching
The Dam Busters,

235
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:13,200
I mean, working from home,
there's none of that.

236
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,640
Oh, that's a very good point.

237
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,960
I will stay home too.
What?

238
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,360
Instead of taking a bus,
I can do my lessons on Zoom.

239
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,640
Then we can both help
the environment

240
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,320
and we can have lunch together

241
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,640
and worry about
the melting ice caps.

242
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:28,800
Lovely.

243
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:33,120
Your tea, sir. Extra weak.

244
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,360
A quiet night?

245
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,240
HE SNIFFS
No, Aneurin.

246
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:39,640
With the heightened senses
of the Fox, I smell trouble.

247
00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,600
Or possibly some spoilt cat food.

248
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:45,120
Either way, Foxman is on the prowl.

249
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,600
I'll brush up the fox tail.

250
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:50,040
Batman watches over Gotham
from the bat's high perch,

251
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,280
I shall guard London
from the Fox's lair.

252
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,400
FOX YOWLS

253
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,800
ALARM RINGS

254
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,560
This robbery is over.

255
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,360
Oh, my God, it's my fiscally
irresponsible nemesis, The Borrower.

256
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:13,840
Foxman!

257
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:17,880
You have contravened Section 81
of the 1968 Theft Act.

258
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,560
Hand over the money, Borrower.

259
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:22,400
That's exactly what I'm gonna do,
hand it out...

260
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:23,640
for the next furlough.

261
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,240
You see, we're very alike,
you and I.

262
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:28,960
You mean, we both have nice,
thick heads of hair?

263
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,400
And we both want to help
the common man.

264
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:32,600
I see.

265
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,200
Are you sure this money isn't
going on a crowd-pleasing boost

266
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,280
to defence spending?

267
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,480
Well, obviously we have
to take national security

268
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:40,880
into consideration.

269
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:42,080
I knew it!

270
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,120
Your days of running up
an eye-watering deficit are over.

271
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:46,280
With these handcuffs,

272
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,680
which I use under
the reasonable force guidelines,

273
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,440
as set out in
the Police Act of 1972,

274
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,200
I will see that you...

275
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,320
Oh.

276
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,560
Oh. You are a cunning foe, Borrower.

277
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,120
But I will track you down.

278
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:04,000
If not tonight, then during
regular Parliamentary Question Time.

279
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:10,800
Foxman is bold, but he reckons
without his true enemy...

280
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,440
The Joke.

281
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,200
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

282
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,560
MENACING LAUGHTER

283
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,840
You know you've got stuff
all over your face, right?

284
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,280
Yes, I fell into my pudding.

285
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,880
Yumminess maximus.

286
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,440
I hate this film, The Dam Busters.

287
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,360
They are destroying
hydroelectric facilities

288
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,560
that produce clean,
emission-free power.

289
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,640
Yeah, you said.
Shall we just watch it?

290
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,120
And there is exactly one woman.

291
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,200
Actually, I think I will
go back to work.

292
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:45,280
Oh, no, you will stay here
and take notes

293
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,280
and then we will go picket
the producer's house.

294
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,920
You know what, Greta?
What?

295
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,560
You're amazing.

296
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,440
Why, if it isn't some practically
perfect billionaires.

297
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:09,440
And Richard Branson.

298
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:13,080
We realised that New Zealand
is the safest place on Earth.

299
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,640
And it's easier to get to than Mars.

300
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:16,800
Just.

301
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,320
I'll buy the North Island.

302
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,720
I'll buy the South Island.

303
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,600
I'll buy whatever is in between.

304
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,720
Well, we're happy to have you
for the holidays

305
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:27,680
as long as you sing.

306
00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:32,520

with Jacinda

307
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:36,640


308
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:40,280


309
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,440

You can stay

310
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,400


311
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:52,600


312
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,280

With Jacinda

313
00:14:56,280 --> 00:15:00,400

But it's really fucking cold.

314
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,480
But, Jacinda, Elon Musk tested
positive for coronavirus.

315
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,000
We can't have anyone
complaining about that.

316
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,880
Once upon a time,

317
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,640
a mother and her son lived
on a farm in the country.

318
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,880
Jack, what happened to our cow?

319
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,760
I set her free, Mother.
I've decided I'm vegan.

320
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,360
Oh, but what will I eat?

321
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,600
I need healthy red meat
for my anaemia.

322
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,040
I've got soy beans.

323
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,320
They'll supply all the protein
and nutrients you need.

324
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,080
It's practically magic.

325
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,040
Oh! Oh, no!

326
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:42,160
Jack was right,
those beans were magic

327
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,040
and they grew a giant beanstalk

328
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,760
right to a foreign country
full of giants.

329
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,200
Fee-fi-fo funtry,

330
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:55,360
I'm going to live in your country.

331
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,840
Jack, get my shotgun!

332
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,200
I gave that away too.
I'm opposed to self-protection.

333
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,520
GIANT GROWLS

334
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:10,520
Don't let anyone take away
your beef and guns!

335
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,040
Movie celebrities,
we need your help.

336
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,680
This year,
the Oscars have a problem.

337
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,320
No Black film makers?

338
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,480
No vagina film makers. Vagina.

339
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,360
Worse, no movies.

340
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,680
Well, there was one movie - Tenet.

341
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,680
Yeah, but nobody made it to the end.

342
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,040
Hey, this is an opportunity.

343
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,320
Why not throw the Oscars open
to anything.

344
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,160
Any video shot by a celebrity.

345
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,760
I like it.
Genius.

346
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,880
Or you could just admit

347
00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:43,560
that the Oscars are a giant hypefest
that nobody cares about

348
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:44,640
and cancel them.

349
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,320
Kevin, what did I say
about being negative?

350
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,840
Don't you put me in a cooler!

351
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,160
No!

352
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,560
MUFFLED SHOUTS

353
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,240
I don't know how, Taylor,
but you did it.

354
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,680
General Hancock is big enough
to win the Christmas tree contest.

355
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:06,800
You ready to murder a tree,
Chainy Dick?!

356
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,200
Ha-ha!

357
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,000
It's time to cut him down?

358
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,720
Oh! I never thought this day
would come.

359
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,400
I kind of fell in love with him.

360
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,000
Oh, sweetie,
you got a tender heart.

361
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:23,520
Grab some goggles,
it's gonna be flying tree guts!

362
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,880
CHAINSAW STARTS
Can I have a moment to say goodbye?

363
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:29,600
Well, sure, but tick-tock.

364
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,960

Taking her chances

365
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,960

Got caught in your branches

366
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,720

Went out on a limb

367
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,080

The ultimate trim

368
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,680


369
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,160

Don't wanna be sappy

370
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,440

Makes me so happy

371
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,640

You're all bark and no bite

372
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,560

Whoo-oo-oo

373
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:02,200

Whoo-oo-oo

374
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,680
Oh, God, just fucking kill me
already.

375
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,680
What?
I hate your terrible music.

376
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,960
Oh, hell no!

377
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,240
CHAINSAW STARTS

378
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,400
Hurry, I can still hear it
in my brain.

379
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,080
The prize for biggest tree goes
to Taylor Swift

380
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,080
who, by the way,
is a big loser who hates me.

381
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:28,240
I saved the farm and learned
a wonderful Christmas lesson.

382
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,400
If someone disses you,
slice him through the brain

383
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,160
and write a hella good song.

384
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,920

Shade, shade, shade, shade

385
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,920

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut

386
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,080

Cut it down.

387
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,840
I'm dead and it still hurts!

388
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,000
Ha-ha! That'll be my new wig.

389
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,280
Fantastic.
Leave it there and fuck off.

390
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,760
Elton.
Shut up, David!

391
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,480
You can put the VAT return forward
into the next quarter...

392
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,520
Colin?

393
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,920
Colin? You've frozen, mate.

394
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,560
Double-O sod it!

395
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,680
And so the dark night continues

396
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,960
with no sign of activity

397
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,320
on the security camera
in my back garden.

398
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:27,000
Wait, it looks like possibly
a cat or fox.

399
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,440
No, it's nothing.

400
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,600
Will something fucking happen!

401
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:41,160
Kim, I dropped my damn phone
down the toilet.

402
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,640
And the Oscar goes to...

403
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,160
Oh, vagina.

404
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,320
..Tenet.

405
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,680
And now, a moment of silence
for James Corden.

406
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,880
Oh, amazing.

407
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,240
APPLAUSE
What an honour!

408
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,160
So touching. Amazing!

409
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,560
GUNSHOT

410
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

411
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,400
All right, we got 15 minutes
to clear out the White House

412
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,640
before Biden moves in.

413
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,280
Take anything
that's not nailed down.

414
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,920
This copper will fetch a pretty
penny at the Chinese market.

415
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:26,600
Mr President, the used car dealer,
you have a car for sale?

416
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,720
Right, the presidential limo.

417
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,120
She's a sweet ride.

418
00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,720
$1,500?

419
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,680
Make it $1,200.
That's called "the art of the deal".

420
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,280
Biden's on his way.

421
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,640
All right, everybody out.

422
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:43,200
Hee-hee! I've left a surprise
for little old Joe,

423
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,960
some smart, very smart,
stable genius booby traps.

424
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,480
It's been an honour
serving you, sir.

425
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,160
I'm the best thing that
ever happened to you, baby.

426
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,600
Crap, I still need to leave
my presidential goodbye letter.

427
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,560
I wrote it in stink ink.

428
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:07,680
Ooh! My booby trap!

429
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,960
RUMBLING

430
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,760
Hey, I paid for four!

431
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,800
I gotta get out of here.

432
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,720
CRACKLING AND HISSING

433
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,200
HAIR GROWLS

434
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,720
I hope you like purple nurples,
Biden.

435
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:31,280
Ow! Ow!

436
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,240
Ow! It's me, you idiot!

437
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,560
Well, at least that was
the last one.

438
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,240
Hello. Anyone home?

439
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,360
Help, I'm trapped in a bucket!

440
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:43,280
I've been there.
Help!

441
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,840
Good day, I'm Prince Andrew.

442
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,960
The producers of Spitting Image
have asked me down to the studios

443
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,840
so they can personally apologise

444
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,920
for any mistreatment I received
at the hands of the show.

445
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:56,400
And they jolly well should.

446
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,760
"Sorry..." they said

447
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,400
"..for what happened in episodes
one, five, seven and, of course,

448
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:03,400
"for the very last moment
of the series."

449
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,760
Last moment of the series?
What can that mean?

450
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,480
Ooh!

451
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,920
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